Escapades, Asperations, & Inconsequential Musings

Making the switch to Wordpress

2011-02-27T19:14:00.001-08:00

New blog:
anharrington.wordpress.com

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

2011-01-17T11:46:00.000-08:00

I would like to say that this is descriptive only of the churches and groups I've attended, but I am just as guilty. Ouch.

“The benchmark of success in churches has become more about attendance than the movement of the Holy Spirit. The 'entertainment' model of church was largely adopted in the 1980s and ’90s, and while it alleviated some of our boredom for a couple of hours a week, it filled our churches with self-focused consumers rather than self-sacrificing servants attuned to the Holy Spirit. Perhaps we’re too familiar and comfortable with the current state of the church to feel the weight of the problem…”
- Francis Chan, Forgotten God

Lord, illuminate the places in my heart where I have sought community to consume rather than to sacrifice. I choose your way, the way of the Cross. Use me to establish your ekklesia.

All Consuming Fire, You're My Heart's Desire.

2011-01-09T22:37:00.000-08:00

I don't even know what to say about the last...month and some odd days since I've last blogged.

Quick tangent: I think "blog" is a ridiculous and disgusting verb, and when made into past tense it's even worse. It sounds like a vomiting sound effect. I use it out of pure necessity since there is really no accurate synonym.

Meaningless tangents aside, I cannot believe how much God has enlarged my heart in recent weeks. I am so grateful to him for giving me friends like Fe, Renee, Tehra, Sam, and my dear, dear sister to be real with me and speak truth and life into my feeble spirit. I love my Papa so.

About two weeks ago, my brother, Sam, and I drove to Kansas City, MO, to attend IHOP's yearly conference, Onething. It was...incredible. There are three highly significant things that I took away from the conference that I want to share.

1. Even after following Jesus for almost 10 years, I hardly know him. I have barely scratched the surface of who he is. I want to know him so much more deeply. I am grateful that I have eternity to discover the depths of who he is, but I want to know him better now. I am hungry for him. Not for my sake, but because I am utterly fascinated and in love with what little I've seen so far.

2. The Pearl of Great Price...the Treasure hidden in a field. The question is not what must I give up to lay hold of the Kingdom, but what may I give up? He is worth EVERYTHING. Nothing held back.

3. Luke 9:23: "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me." This is real. This doesn't just mean we are meant to put up with the difficult things in our lives. That's a pansy, feel-good, humanistic gospel that is really no gospel at all. We are on a death march, to a brutal execution. Death to self. Not coma to self, not a few bumps and bruises to self, but DEATH to self. Daily. Today, am I willing to give everything to him or up for him, even if that means my physical life? This is not something that makes sense to the world, or even most Christians. It is unsettling at the very least. Terrifying, more realistically. But, in light of what I know--that he is the Pearl of Great Price, that he is an all-consuming fire, that he IS love, that he is eternally fascinating, that I cannot be satisfied until I have more, more, more of him--I am convinced he is worth it. He is worth my life, my death, and anything else I can come up with.

Oh, how I love him. Weakly, but truly. And I can feel his heart. I feel it, I see it, I hear it, when I quiet my soul enough to look into his eyes of unquenchable fire, the Living Flame of Love.

And the last thing burning inside me? My sister, my amazing sister, is in Masi. This gives me so much joy. She knows my people! She is meeting Liam and Rachel and Lucas and Sbu and so many others with whom I experienced intense revelation of God's heart, not to mention the most amazing three months of my life. She is in MASI, the dearest place in the world to me. This makes me smile so much.

Life Updates

2010-11-20T23:47:00.000-08:00

For some reason I have the chorus of a cheesy, poorly written country song stuck in my head as I begin this post: "I love this crazy, tragic, sometimes almost magic, awful beautiful life." Truth exists, even in country music.

Lots of things have changed with me since the beginning of the semester. It always catches me by surprise how life almost never works out the way you planned or expected it to, but yet, in the end, I'm usually grateful.

Change #1: I'm getting involved in things. WEIRD. I did not participate in a single club or sport or extracurricular in high school, yet I am currently in two honors societies, and the UM model UN club, and I'm planning on applying for leadership and maybe traveling team for MUN as well. This has no particular significance that I can see; it's just new.

Change #2: Fire and Fragrance. The book, not the DTS. I can't fully explain what it's doing to me, but it's big. More on this later.

Change #3: I'm moving off campus at semester. This decision has been a long time coming, and has been confirmed in my heart a number of ways. The idea is that my room (in a house with 4 other amazing girls) will be a prayer room, a place of intercession and resting in the presence of the living God. The cry of my heart is to sit at his feet, to be with him where he is, to simply BE with him. (Snarky comment for all my YWAM buds: I CANNOT believe how much I'm starting to sound like Steven Conant, and more than that, that I am OKAY with it!!!)

So...I am choosing to take this opportunity to commit myself to living a lifestyle of authentic community and prayer, seeking Jesus with everything in me.

Other exciting news: I'm headed to Kona for Thanksgiving! I can hardly wait. WATER TO MY THIRSTY SOUL.

Simplicity.

2010-10-24T13:45:00.000-07:00

I have been asking God the why-am-I-here question for quite some time. I get frustrated because I feel like nothing is happening, like my presence in Missoula isn't making one shred of difference in anyone's life. I am lonely, because even though I am constantly surrounded by people, I have no one to share my heart with; Renee, Erica, Tehra, Rachel, Cams, Sam...I miss you all more than I can say. For those of you who read my posts, you are probably getting tired of me saying this, but I miss Kona and South Africa a lot. Here, I feel utterly useless and alone.

I was in church today, semi-paying attention to the sermon slash doodling on my bulletin, when I felt Jesus ask me "Why are you here?"
"I don't know, Jesus. You tell me."
"You are here to fall more in love with me."

Of course! It's so simple. Here I am, running around like a chicken with its head cut off, frustrated beyond belief because nothing is working out like I want in terms of ministry, community, etc., as though he wants something else from me besides my heart. He doesn't need my efforts or my contribution to community or my strategies; he can handle all of that on his own. He didn't die for me so I could work for him forever. He is love; he died to restore me to himself. He wants my heart, and he wants me to know his.

The call to intimacy with God is the highest call placed on the human heart. Not making disciples, not performing signs and wonders (it's he who does all those things anyway, not us). He longs for us to sit at his feet and ask him who he is and what his love is like. He wants to be known by us.

This is why I'm here: because for some yet to be revealed reason, Missoula, Montana is the best place for me to fall more in love with Jesus Christ. And that is everything.

INTIMACY unto fruitfulness.

A Prayer of Barrenness

2010-10-20T18:09:00.000-07:00

By Dana Candler

My heart aches. I love Him, yes, but faintly.
I desire Him, yes, but weakly.
I want Him, true, but waveringly.
Even the pain that lies within
I recognize to be such faint pain,
A mere discomfort next to the heartwrenching anguish
That grips true lovers.
My knowledge is nothing. My wisdom, infancy.
I see nothing as it truly is.
Eternity is light. This life on earth what is dark.
Stories remain stories. Not sinking deep within my soul.
And scarring me with Divine invasion
Your cross is a picture, Your heaven a fantasy.
Tears are sweet emotions, moved by Your sacrifice.
But not the tears of sharing in Your sufferings.
I say Your name so sweetly but do not know its Face.
All I am is far. So distant, so removed.
But You beckon me come.
Yet, my Lord, I am nothing. I have nothing. I know nothing.
When I thought I had something,
It dissolved before Your beauty,
And I was left naked. Possessing nothing.
Poor for words. Empty of all. Needy and alonde.
Even so, my Love, call me.
Yes, do not leave me here but beckon me come.
Though I have nothing, though I am only poor,
I cast myself on your unfailing love
Where else would I go?
Whom have I but You?

Spiritual Terrorism

2010-10-18T10:52:00.000-07:00

I can't tell you how many times that I've heard my brothers and sisters try to coerce non-Christians into some sort of conversion by saying "If you died tonight, do you know where you would go?" This makes me really bothers me for a number of reasons.

First, God is RELATIONAL. He wants our hearts because he loves us. He doesn't want us say the prayer because we're afraid of burning in a lake of fire forever. Granted, there have been legitimate conversions, like that of John Newton (composer of Amazing Grace and former captain of a slave ship), where people were deeply convicted of their sin and knew that they belonged in hell. But in those cases, conversion was motivated by repentance and a realized need for the grace that God freely gives, not fear.

Second, the whole reason heaven is good is because JESUS IS THERE. I could care less about a place with golden streets and harps and crap like that, but I cannot wait to be with Jesus, the most incredible person I've ever known, forever. Consequently, the reason hell is bad is because Jesus is not there. Hell is the complete absence of God's presence, which is the reason for everything good. That's why we don't want to go there: because God isn't there, not just because of the lake of fire. Once again, it all comes down to relationship--being with Jesus or without him for eternity.

Third, it is spiritual terrorism. In political science, when one group of people threatens to kill another group if they don't comply with the first group's demands, we call it a coercive or terrorist threat. That is essentially what we're doing if we use the if-you-died-tonight tactic. We're telling people that if they don't do what we tell them to, they'll go to hell.

While the Bible is clear that people will go to hell if they reject God, scare tactics are stupid. Motivation by fear doesn't last, but motivation by love lasts forever. "God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world, we are like Jesus. There is NO FEAR IN LOVE. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he loved us first." (1 John 4:16b-19).

While scare tactics may seem effective in converting people, we are not called to manufacture converts. We are called to make disciples, people who will devote their lives to knowing God as he can be known on this side of eternity. If all you're trying to do is pass out fire insurance salvation, then sure, scare as many people as you want. But if we're trying to raise an army of lovers who will lay down their lives for Jesus, lets ditch the short-term efforts and devote ourselves to love, because love is the only thing we can do in this life that lasts.

Gems from Life Together

2010-10-04T20:45:00.000-07:00

I started Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer today, and all I can say is...actually, I am speechless.

"We belong to one another only through and in Jesus Christ."

"The Christian is dependent on the Word of God spoken to him."

"[A Christian needs another Christian] again and again when he becomes uncertain and discouraged, for by himself he cannot help himself without belying the truth. He needs his brother as a bearer and proclaimer of the divine word of salvation. He needs his brother solely because of Jesus Christ. The Christ in his own heart is weaker than the Christ in the word of his brother; his own heart is uncertain, his brother's is sure.
"And that also clarifies the goal of all Christian community: they meet one another as bringers of the message of salvation."

"Without Christ we should not know God, we could not call upon Him, nor come to Him. But without Christ we also would not know our brother, nor could we come to him. The way is blocked by our own ego. Christ opened up the way to God and to our brother. Now Christians can live with one another in peace; they can love and serve one another; they can become one."

"The more genuine and the deeper our community becomes, the more will everything else between us recede, the more clearly and purely will Jesus Christ and his work become the one and only thing that is vital between us."

"One who wants more than what Christ has established does not want Christian brotherhood...he is bringing muddled and impure desires into Christian brotherhood...the danger of confusing Christian brotherhood with some wishful idea of religious fellowship, of confounding the natural desire of the devout heart for community with the spiritual reality of Christian brotherhood. In Christian brotherhood everything depends upon its being clear right from the beginning, first, that Christian brotherhood is not an ideal, but a divine reality. Second, that Christian brotherhood is a spiritual and not [psychological] reality."

I am so convicted and inspired. More to come.

Answered

2010-09-27T20:28:00.000-07:00

My dear friend Tehra posted this today, and it has particular significance for me considering my second to last post.

"The times when I feel nothing yet choose to believe in His heart and His love...these undo the heart of the God of Heaven. On the days when every accusation lurks over my head and all the voices of condemnation join forces against me, my weak heart overcomes Him as I choose to believe what presently seems an absurdity...that God is for me and that my prayer, though weak, is wisdom. These are the days He holds precious. Oh how they move His heart."
-Dana Candler, Deep Unto Deep

Something New

2010-09-22T21:00:00.000-07:00

I want to preface what I'm about to say by establishing that I have no idea why I feel this way. That said, nearly every church service or mass-Christian gathering I've been to in the last 5 months has made me sick. Sometimes my reaction is so strong that I actually feel as though I could vomit. Sometimes I can barely keep myself from weeping. And I don't know why. Isn't church supposed to give life? It's all I can do to make myself go on Sundays, or to Fuel on Wednesdays. The only thing that is even sort of a positive motivator for me to go is worship. I love to worship. I love Jesus with my whole heart and love telling him so. It is absolutely, without a doubt, my favorite thing to do. But I've even started lose joy in that, at least when I do it in a churchy setting, which makes me so very sad.

I love the Church. I grew up in the Church, met Jesus in the Church, learned a lot about him in the Church, and served in the Church. So what is going on?

I don't think that it's anything the people who run the church, or Fuel, are doing wrong. They love Jesus and know that he loves them. So what on earth is happening to me? I wish I knew. Maybe I'm just burnt out on church. Maybe God is doing something new in me, preparing my heart for something. I wish I knew. If you know, please tell me. I'm not angry or depressed or bitter about it, just bewildered.

Hmmm...

Extending the Rope

2010-09-09T08:51:00.000-07:00

I am at the end of my rope. Every reason that I chose to stay in Missoula and not staff YWAM this year has vanished, save one. School is hard, and as a result I have little time to make friends. On the rare occasion that I do get out and socialize, I am disappointed because nothing can replace the community that I was a part of last year. No one can replace my YWAM friends, with whom I have such deep connections that sometimes I worry I will never have that sense of transparency and acceptance and love again. The weather is bleak, wet, and depressing, and I long for sunshine and smothering heat again. In short, everything in my wants to drop out of school and go back to Kona.

It was about a week ago when the biggest reason I chose to stay disappeared. I'm not much of a crier (which is actually something I've asked the Lord to change because tears really are such a blessing), but I couldn't stop the waterworks for a solid two hours. I'm pretty sure my roommate thought I was crazy. I was hurt and angry, especially at God because I felt like he had tricked me into staying and then yanked the rug out from under me. I yelled at him for a long time, and said things to him that I felt horrible about later.

But when I finally calmed down and my anger subsided a little, Jesus asked me a really hard question. Or a series of questions, rather: "Do you trust me to be faithful even when every concrete reason you had to trust me slips away? Is my character enough reason for you to trust me even when your circumstances tell you you shouldn't? Do you really believe I'm good and faithful and that the place I've put you is the best place for you to fall more in love with me?"

These were not just rhetorical questions; he actually wanted answers. It took me a few days to say yes. Actually, my response was more like "I don't know, but I'll try." So that's where I am right now. Trying. Trying and waiting, waiting to see why he has me here. It's funny how when I think I'm at the end of my rope, that's often where God chooses to meet me. And he doesn't always help me climb back up the rope right away; he extends it so that I can hang on a little longer.

So please pray for me. Pray that Jesus would show me why I'm here, or at least that I would have peace and would trust him more while I'm waiting for him to show me. Pray that I would have a new revelation of his unending love. Pray for energy and a sense of purpose and that I would have God's heart for this place.

Oh, and remember how I said every reason I chose to stay in Missoula but one had disappeared? That one reason was a very prophetic word my friend Lucas had for me a while back. I think it's evidence of slightly screwy priorities and motives that that didn't rank highest on my list.

I Think An Apology Is In Order

2010-07-26T15:32:00.000-07:00

I was sitting in class today - a Sociology class called Race, Class, and Gender - listening to my prof rant about how one of the main principles of Christianity is suppressing women. I didn't know this, but apparently we Christians believe that women are responsible for the fall, and therefore should be punished. We also believe that women are more naturally sinful than men. They are neither emotionally nor mentally capable of leadership, and should be subservient to men.

As I was listening to this lecture, which definitely was more of a bitter diatribe at points, I started to get upset, especially when I looked around the class and saw lots of students nodding their heads in emphatic agreement with the professor. There must be adequate information out there to contradict the image my professor was painting.

But the more I think about it, the more I understand. Surely, Christianity post-apostolic age did contribute to the repression of women - holding them in traditional gender roles and limiting their education, etc. So I can see how my prof would draw those conclusions based on historical context. But I like to think that we Christians have made enough progress in recent years to do away with at least part of the myth that God hates women.

And, I suppose, some of the mainstream perception of Christians can be attributed to general hostility in media and academia. But what I really want to talk about is where that hostility came from.

I think...well I think a couple of things. First, we need to acknowledge the source of the deep-rooted, legitimate anger that I was sensing in my professor and my classmates. At some point or another, most, if not all of these people, were hurt by a Christian. My class is full of unwed mothers, hippies, and homosexuals. You don't have to be a genius to figure out why any of these people would have a valid reason to form a bad opinion of Christians.

"But that's not me!" you say. "I've never glared at a mom without a ring on her finger, or used slurs to talk about gay people." True (or at least I hope it's true). But our brothers and sisters have. And I don't know about you, but if my brother (I'm talking my biological brother now) had grossly insulted someone, I would apologize to that person immediately, not to make them think better of Harringtons, but to make sure they didn't take the insult to heart.

So my second thought on the issue is this: while we, as individuals, may not be directly responsible for the pain people have experience at the hands of Christians, we need to take responsibility for that pain and do what we can to ease it none the less. It's not enough to stand back and say "I didn't cause it, and therefore it's not my problem." As followers of Christ, it IS our problem. Jesus tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves. That seems pretty clear-cut to me. And while it may not be fair that non-Christian judge all of us based on a few negative experiences, we need to stop being so defensive. Our character is not above reproach, anyway. But the character of our God is. So we need to take our eyes off ourselves learn to fall in love with Jesus again, the one who transforms us from legalistic, religious nutcases to radical, revolutionary lovers.

Magnificent Obsession

2010-07-25T13:26:00.000-07:00

I cannot live without you
Without your heart of flesh beating in my chest
My lungs ache and scream for your breath
My stomach cramps, twist, and moans for your blood
and your body to come and fill me
My body longs for your Spirit to pump life through my veins

I am addicted
Obsessed
Magnificently so

Is this your call to come and die?
This painful yearning that nothing else can satisfy?
Then gladly will I go
"To the mountain of myrrh"
I rejoice to give up this life
So I can embrace yours

For you've ruined me for everything else
Wrecked me with your love
You alone are what I want
You alone are the desire of my heart

I would rather ache for you
Than turn to other lovers
For all others pale in comparison
"My beloved is fairest among ten thousand"
You are beautiful;
I know you

I am yours
I gladly die
To be one with you
Have your way in me.

My Idol of Community

2010-07-03T23:37:00.000-07:00

I have had a wonderful 24 hours. I bought a dress to wear to my friend's wedding for under $20, had lunch and made a Costco run with my amazing mother which resulted in yummy guacamole, mango salsa, and pita chips. I hung out with my sister, read for class and for pleasure, ran, spent some quality time with Jesus, and finally, and probably most exciting, I spent the second half of this 24 hour period with none other than my dear friend Samantha, who took a flight out of Billings this morning.

Oh, how I love my Sammie-Cakes. She is one of the most delightful people I know, full of impish and usually awkward humor, love of beauty and purity, and passion to know Jesus as he can be known. I enjoy living life with her so much, and I have missed her a tremendous amount during the last three months. I was so excited to see her, pray with her, laugh with her, and regain some of the joy I've felt seeping away since I finished DTS.

It was a wonderful, refreshing night. We reminisced about DTS - which involved lots of laughter at inappropriate jokes as well as marveling over how amazing our God is - and talked about what Jesus is doing in our hearts now. We talked a lot about how unreal it feels to be home; how everything seems move at a slow, mundane pace, and it feels like a shadow of what life should be. We lamented the lack of healthy community whose sole purpose is seeking Jesus as we go through life together. Oh, how I miss YWAM community.

The two primary aspects of community that I feel are lacking in my life are corporate prayer and worship. I sincerely believe that these are vital for intense spiritual growth and transformation, and also for revival. I WANT intense spiritual growth and revival in Missoula. I WANT to see God's Kingdom come in power in that city, especially on the University campus. But often I feel as though I am alone in that desire, like most Christians are just trying to survive day to day life. I even find myself falling into that pattern quite often. I haven't talked to someone about Jesus in months. I haven't prayed with a non-believer or even that many believers in months. I feel a combination of apathy and fear of man setting in.

Naturally, I think the solution to this problem is a vibrant community of believers who are committed to living the gospel in every area of their lives. I want to be a part of such a community. I am even willing to initiate it, if only I knew who would be interested and who would blow me off as some radical charismatic. But in my desperation for community, born out of loneliness and frustration, I have placed community on the throne rather than the creator of community, the God who is triune and as such has community written right into his DNA.

Hanging out with Sam made me realize this. I had thought that spending some time with her would fix the things I've been struggling with since April. I thought I would feel like everything is right again, that my desperate need for community would be satisfied, if only for 12 hours. And although I had a wonderful time with her, I realized that community isn't the main thing I miss from YWAM - it is the intense feeling of intimacy with God. Wanting to do nothing but seek him all the time. Reading Song of Solomon or just journaling for hours for the pure fun of spending time with Jesus. Reveling in his love. Finding a quiet place to sing my heart out to him because after a point, there's nothing left to do but adore him for who he is. I miss all of those things so much. But the good news is, God doesn't change from Kona or South Africa to Montana. He is the same everywhere, and he is present everywhere. The more I seek him, the more I will find him.

That said, my passion for community has not diminished so much as it has been put in its rightful place. I will look for it wherever I can and I still truly believe it is at the very center of God's heart for our lives. But community is only healthy if it exists to love God, be transformed by his love, and release his love to transform others. So I will do those things as well as I can on my own for now, keeping my eyes open for others that want to do the same.

A Mass Grave and Declaring the Promises of God

2010-06-25T15:25:00.000-07:00

Today a friend sent me a portion of Scripture he felt like the Lord wanted him to share with me. As I studied it a bit and asked my Father what he wanted to say through it, I was blown away by several things. It's Ezekiel 37:1-10.

"The hand of the Lord was on me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the Lord and set me in the middle of a valley: it was full of bones. He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry. He asked me, 'Son of man, can these bones live?'" (verses 1-3)

I want to point out a couple of things about these first few verses. Ezekiel is about 20 at this time, and is in exile with the rest of Israel. God first spoke to him when he was 13. This is pretty cool to me because he's about my age when this occurs and I was around 13 when I really started to hear God's voice. He is also living in captivity and has been most of his life.

The second thing that stands out to me is where God takes Ezekiel in this trance or vision or whatever you are comfortable calling it: to a mass grave. At first as I thought This must be purely symbolic; it's the BIBLE. And why would God be so cruel as to take Ezekiel to a place where genocide occurred? The thing of it is, Ezekiel's people were the victims of genocide when they were conquered by the Persians. God took him to a place where he was face to face with what he and his people had suffered. It is almost like Ezekiel is reeling in shock; he describes the bones as really, really dry as he walks back and forth through the piles and piles of skeletons, as though he can't quite take in the horror of the scene spread before him. But notice that, in what must be an excruciatingly painful moment of reliving a massacre, God walks with him.

And then God asks Ezekiel a question that must hurt his bruised heart even more as he wanders through what he can only assume are the remains of his decimated people: "Son of man, can these bones live?" In what was probably a hoarse moan or a gut-wrenching sob, Ezekiel replies "Sovereign Lord, you alone know." I'm not sure if this is an accusation (God, if you're all powerful, why didn't you stop it?) or declaration of trust (God, you're sovereign and you alone can do it, so I throw myself on that truth). Maybe it's a bit of both.

But at any rate, that answer is what God was looking for. "Prophesy to these bones, and say to them 'Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life. I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.'" Ezekiel obeys and prophesies (prophesy literally means to declare the promises or will of God) and tendons connect the bones and flesh and skin cover them. But there is still no breath - other translations say 'spirit' or 'life' - in the bones. So God tells Ezekiel to prophesy breath to the bones again, and when he does, they are filled with life, stand up, and are a "vast army."

I absolutely love this story. In a valley where genocide took place, God tells a young survivor to declare his promise of life where there is only death, and the dead rise and form a vast army! God goes on to explain to Ezekiel that the bones are Israel, hopeless and dried up, but that he is going to open their graves, bring them back to life and return them to Israel, and that he will put his Spirit in them, so that they will know that he is the Lord and he alone has done it.

Wow. I love my God.

What does this mean for me right now? Well, for starters, I think it is confirmation that I am where I am supposed to be. My friend who sent me the verses said that wherever we go, if we declare the word of God we will make an impact. And that is much needed in Missoula, especially on the University campus. Since we were made for an intimate relationship with the Father, how can we help but respond to his call? "As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." (Isaiah 55:10&11)

Second (and this really gets me excited), this is God's purpose for all peoples of the earth! God chose Israel to be his light to all other nations and countries, and he has a specific purpose for them as well that can only be fulfilled when they turn to him. Because this is his desire, it is our enormous privilege to declare the truth with or mouths and our lives - that all nations were made to worship our amazing Father - and see transformation take place. No amount of bloody history or despair or even genocide can keep God from accomplishing his purposes. And we are blessed that he does it through us!

Oh, and please read You See Bones, I See An Army by Floyd McClung. It's a revolutionary, transformational book and well worth the $10.19 plus shipping. http://www.amazon.com/You-See-Bones-Army-Changing/dp/1576584380/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1277529026&sr=8-1

The Cursed Gift of Hunger

2010-06-13T23:13:00.000-07:00

I am hungry, oh so hungry. These hunger pains do not originate in my stomach; their source is my heart. They radiate through my entire being and reduce me to a weeping, moaning ball of brokenness curled up on the floor. My heart is starving.

I am so hungry for Him. Other pursuits, while they may be good, only dull my pains for a moment or two. Only He can satiate my hunger. I have tasted and seen that He is good, and now nothing else satisfies. This may sound melodramatic, but I promise you it is not. This wild, reckless desperation I feel for Him is stronger than anything I could possibly feel for food. He is more real to me than food. He is more real to me than air.

Some days I feel as though I may starve to death. Some days the pain is no more than a dull ache. I seek Him. A few times I have caught glimpses of Him. I run to catch Him, but He disappears around the next bend in the path we walk together.

He is cruel, you say? Yes, this game of hide and seek has ceased to be enjoyable, but I know He lets my longing build so that when He finally lets me catch Him, I will be overcome with joy and love.

I cannot stop my desperate search for Him. Because I would rather be starving and wait for the Blood and the Body that are better and more beautiful and more sustaining than any earthly food than gorge myself on something that will barely satisfy me for a moment.

I prayed for this kind of hunger. I asked for this gift - to want Him more than I want food or air or life itself. And now that I have it, I can do nothing but wait. He is good. He does not create any desire that He does not intend to fulfill.

Settlin' Down

2010-05-29T18:23:00.000-07:00

Well, for a while at least. I am currently sitting in my room at college (uni for all you non-Americans) in a city approximately six hours away from home. It will take me two years—including summer sessions—to finish my political science degree with an option in international relations, which is wonderful because it means I will graduate “on time” (whatever that is supposed to mean). I have very mixed feelings about going back to school, but in praying about it this was the decision I felt like Jesus was asking me to make.

COMMITOPHOBIA
One of my primary reservations in choosing to finish school is that I am afraid I lack the self-discipline to actually stay in one place for two years. Now I realize that for anyone over the age of twenty-five, two years is nothing. But if you look at the last three years of my life, it is easy to see why I might have a problem: semester of college, semester in DC, Whitworth for a year, and YWAM—Hawaii and South Africa—for a year. I hop from place to place so fast it makes my head spin. And I love it. I love experiencing new places, new people, new cultures, new sights, smells, and sounds. I love the adventure of it, the way it tickles my brain and gives me a spring in my step and makes my lungs fill with air almost of their own accord, as though trying to take in as much of the unknown as possible. But will I be able to last when the new becomes old, when excitement wears off and mundane routine sets in?

MOMENT TO A MOVEMENT
Yes. If I am going to be brutally honest with myself, my inability to stick with one path for an extended period of time is immaturity, plain and simple. And I am of the opinion that immaturity—doing whatever is easiest or most enjoyable—pushes us away from Jesus, so I want to do everything within my power to quash said immaturity. I have had flashes of excitement over the last few years, moments of seeing Jesus for who he truly is and being blown away by it, but I am ready for something more. I am ready for a lifestyle of actively seeking Jesus; I am ready for a movement of the Holy Spirit in me and around me. And I will do whatever it takes to achieve a movement. And in some ways, I am very glad to be around for two years; spiritually committing to a place for twenty-four months is bound to be more fruitful than attempting to do the same for three months.

CITY SPECS

Missoula, Montana. Both affectionately and hostilely referred to as ‘Hippyville,’ half of the state’s medical marijuana dealerships are within city limits. Green is being environmentally conscious more than it is a color, although with the buckets of rain we have had recently, the color is present everywhere, too. My sense of shame is pricked when I forget to bring my canvas grocery bag to the store and have to use—gasp—plastic. Bicyclists outnumber pedestrians, who barely outnumber fuel-efficient car owners.

Missoula is a university town in every sense of the word. Alcohol, drugs, universalism, and intellectual elitism are all major factors in defining the city’s culture. It is a city that suffers from disordered desire as much as any other, a city that is hungry for Jesus. Not church-on-Sundays, only-concerned-with-sin Jesus, but the real, raw Jesus who delights in us and longs for us to return his radical love. The Jesus that actually does have a plan to save the world, to transform lives and nations.

WHAT YOU CAN PRAY FOR
Pray that God gives me his heart and his vision for this place. Pray for divine appointments; that the Holy Spirit would lead me directly to the people who are seeking him. Pray for discernment; that as our battle is not against flesh and blood, I will know what strongholds to pray against. Pray for unity among the Christians on campus. And pray, above all, that I will seek our God with all I am, that I will grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ; that I would know this love that surpasses knowledge—that I would be filled to the MEASURE of all the fullness of God.

Intimacy unto fruitfulness.

English for Dummies (Americans)

2010-05-13T10:24:00.000-07:00

The following is a list of words in UK and Canadian English not found in American English, words that I rather like. I got most of them from my friends or from my trip to London. Let's try to incorporate them into our vocabulary, America.

Brill: short for brilliant
Chach: a person, usually a guy, who is extremely full of himself
Chachy: arrogant, self-absorbed, in love with the mirror
Cheeky: playfully insolent, mischievous
Cheeky monkey: endearing term for a smart ass
College: a two year continued education institution, often a trade school
Git: a jerk, an obnoxious and/or self-centered person
Joggers: sweat pants
Kitch: homely to the point of being cute.
Lift: elevator
Loo: bathroom
Pants: underwear
Posh: wealthy, affluent
Trousers: pants
University (uni): four year continued education institution, from which a graduate receives a bachelor's degree.

Parisian Epiphany No. 2

2010-05-12T12:41:00.000-07:00

This thought came to me completely out of the blue as I was brushing my teeth. It's amazing how the Holy Spirit can teach me something mind-blowing even when my mind is on Aquafresh toothpaste.

The Jews considered Song of Solomon to be the Holy of Holies of the Scriptures (the Law was the outer court, and the prophecies & other poetry was the inner court). So how AMAZING is it that the curtain into the Holy of Holies in the temple was torn - top to bottom, meaning only God could do it - when Jesus died?!!! That unquenchable, blazing love is clearly what He has given us access to by His sacrifice!! I am struck, once again, by how madly in love our savior is with us, His bride

Stephen leads us in worshiping Jesus in the Masiphumelele Prayer House

A Day in Paris: Cathedrals, The Kingdom, and Confessions

2010-05-12T12:31:00.000-07:00

I was thinking this afternoon as I was in Notre Dame about what a Kingdom perspective on the world is, and what it's implications are for the life of a Christ-follower. And I think I came up with some pretty profound answers. But I guess I should explain why I was pondering these things in the first place.

To begin with, I had been thinking about the earthquake in Haiti and all the damage it's caused, and how the country is so utterly devastated on every level. What relative good could possibly come from such catastrophe, what results could be positive in light of such destruction?

And then there are all the beggars outside every major tourist attraction in Paris, gypsies, I'm assuming, not to mention all the pushy African vendors. They undoubtedly are worn down by the way people ignore them and refuse eye-contact, or rudely tell them to screw off. Such an existence has to be so degrading. Where is the hope I should see in their lives?

Finally, there's the great cathedral itself, Notre Dame. Built as a gigantic, extravagant, terrifyingly beautiful house for the Living God. Walking through it was impressive enough--the faded paintings, statues, stained-glass windows, and amazing architecture of the stories-high vaulted ceilings were almost too much for my eyes to handle. I finally took a seat in the middle of the nave and gaped in awe at what I can only describe as the vastness of the empty space between the floor and ceiling. For a moment, I thought, I can see why they felt the need to build such a huge place to house God. For the briefest of seconds, I even pictured Him fitting inside, filling the vast, empty space. He's got to be pretty big to do that.

Almost immediately, however, the still, small voice I've come to know and love as the voice of the Holy Spirit, reminded me that He does not live in a temple made by human hands (Acts 17:24-29). I sheepishly apologized for limiting His size and misunderstanding His relationship with us humans. He longs for us, His fearfully and wonderfully made creations to be His temples. He years for our hearts--and our whole lives--to love Him the way He loves us. Song of Solomon says that we ravish Him with one glance of our eyes. When it is our hearts He so desperately desires, why on earth would we think we could impress Him by building an excessively extravagant, albeit beautiful, church while the poor, who hunger for God's love perhaps more keenly than anyone, live in squalor nearby? It saddens me to think we have so misunderstood the heart of God.

As I was sitting there thinking about this, I was suddenly struck by a question: what is the purpose of a place like Notre Dame? The self-righteousness in me immediately bristled and responded that it cannot produce anything good if its purpose wasn't godly to begin with. Regardless of its beauty, it is a monument to a time when God was effectively formulated, standardized, shoved into a box (or church) and otherwise turned into a religion rather than a living, breathing being. But once again, the Holy Spirit reminded me of who He is: the one who redeems and restores, the one who makes all things new. In the midst of our weakness, sin, and religiosity, He draws us to Himself. He finds something beautiful--a reflection of His own beauty--and commits Himself to restoring it. If people are drawn to our Father by the beauty of Notre Dame, if it becomes a place where are the poor are fed, educated, and discipled, if revival breaks out in that building or in the hearts of its parishioners, then it was not built in vain.

This is what it means to have a Kingdom perspective, I think: to see everything through the eyes of God, in whom we live and move and have our being. In him, through Him, everything is redeemable. Everything can be made new. How do we live in light of this? First, we have faith that God really does want to restore the world. And then we live as agents of restoration. We, through the power of the Holy Spirit, bring the Kingdom. We disciple the poor. We love the unloveable. We find cures for the diseases that ravage humanity. We educate the ignorant. We battle the principalities keeping the world in bondage on every possible front.

The devastation in Haiti is redeemable. I pray that God will use this disaster to usher in a righteous government that carries His values of justice, mercy, and empowering the poor. I pray that while the country is at its lowest, people cry out to God and God alone for rescue, and that the chains of witchcraft that have kept Haiti in ignorance and darkness for so long would be broken.

The gypsy people are redeemable. Education and discipleship are already doing wonders in their communities.

Don't even get me started on what God can and is already doing in Africa. I fully expect the next big revival to start with African Christ followers. Soon, those young men selling trinkets on the streets could be showing us Western Christians a thing or two about what it means to live the Gospel.

We, the middle class, self-righteous, narcissistic cynics, are redeemable. I am living proof of that. I am a live and free and completely in love with my savior because He relentlessly pursued my heart, and still does.

I was flying high on this revelation. Seriously, how big is my God?! So big, that He can has a plan to redeem every possible screwed up, disgusting situation. He really is SO good. He is love--it's not just something He does; that's the only way He could or would bring us out of our depravity and into holiness. I was so excited. My heart was stirred in a way I haven't felt in a long time. But suddenly, like a bucket of ice water being dumped over my head, I was reminded of my humanity, weakness, disobedience, and really, my lack of faith in what I just wrote.

I was walking through the flower district and took a turn down a side street. Out of the corner of my eye, saw an elderly man in shabby clothes standing hunched over near a wall. The still, small voice pushed my compassion button, prompting me to go talk to him. Instead, I looked straight ahead and kept walking. He's probably just begging, like all the others I've seen, I thought. But he didn't ask for a single cent. He probably doesn't speak English, I protested. You won't know unless you ask, said the voice. He won't want to talk to me, I continued feebly. Look at him! responded the Holy Spirit. He's all alone, and it definitely won't hurt to try. This is about me, not you.

But I kept on walking. I was twice convicted to the point of almost going back, but I didn't. I was afraid, faithless, and not willing to be inconvenienced by a man my Father made and is deeply in love with.

I have repented. My Father is quick to forgive. I pray that God will intervene in this man's life, that He will send someone more obedient and compassionate than I to let this man know that he matters more than he could possibly know to the God of the universe. I have to believe that God will answer my prayers. He is good and radically committed to that man's heart. But, for the sake of argument, I have to say that there is a possibility that no one will tell him that God has not forgotten him. What is redeemable about that? He may spend the rest of his life and eternity alone. As I said, God is faithful far beyond what I can imagine, but still, how is that a 'Kingdom' outcome? The redemption in this lies in a change in my heart; next time, I will obey. I will choose to see people through my Father's eyes of restoration. After all, I have to choose to see the potential for redemption in my own sin. My God is big enough to use my mistakes to advance His Kingdom.

He Is Everything (what I learned in South Africa)

2010-04-13T13:39:00.000-07:00

God in my living 
There in my breathing 
God in my waking
God in my sleeping
God in my resting 
There in my working
God in my thinking 
God in my speaking

Be my everything 
Be my everything 
Be my everything
Be my everything

God in my hoping 

There in my dreaming 
God in my watching
God in my waiting
God in my laughing
There in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing

Christ in me, Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory 
You are everything
Christ in me, Christ in me 
Christ in me the hope of glory
Be my everything

L to R: Camilla, Voyusile, Thambisa, Gloria, me. This family is encountering God's love in ways I never could have imagined. Their story is one of healing, hope, restoration, and joy; a testimony to our Father's radical love for his children.

How can I fully express what happened in the three months I spent in South Africa, or what God did in me? I could tell you stories of people we met whose lives were radically changed by the our Father’s love—a man healed of severe daily seizures, a little deaf girl that gave her heart to Jesus and heard for the first time in her life, a woman drowning in grief and sickness restored to health and given joy…I have many such stories.

The problem in telling those stories is that I’m not articulate enough to make you see past the miracles and into the lives and hearts of the people that have become my friends. Because for me, the miracles are no longer the best part. Don’t get me wrong, I love the miracles. I love watching people being instantly healed and delivered from things that have plagued them, but the best and most beautiful part comes after the miracle. And that, friends, is seeing people who God is passionately in love with become who they were made to be: children resting in the arms of their Father. It is beauty emerging from ashes through the love of Jesus. It is the beginning of a relationship, a life long journey of learning to trust the Father and falling in love with him. Sometimes that journey begins with a miracle, but miracles pale in comparison with the profound beauty of people putting their trust in God, knowing that he is their only hope for life and that he loves them unconditionally.

He is relentlessly, passionately, tirelessly pursing our hearts. He wants to be our everything, not just someone we sing or pray to on occasion. He is so beautiful, in every way. His love for me is boundless. He is patient and gentle like no one I’ve ever known. I want, with all my heart, for him to truly be my everything, because he is worth it. That, and so much more.

Camilla, Rachel, and Samantha pray for Zanelle. God's children are PRECIOUS to him. He has completely transformed this little girl's life because he IS love.

Top Ramen Hotel Style

2010-03-30T01:16:00.000-07:00

I officially hate traveling. My last two experiences have been absolute crap. Which I suppose shouldn't throw me off the activity all together, especially when I have had so many good experiences, but these last few times...let me tell you, they sucked.

Let's start with my return trip from South Africa to Kona, Hawaii. Our itinerary was as follows: Port Elizabeth, Johannesburg, Atlanta, LA, Kona. We had about an hour layover in Atlanta. Which means an hour to deplane, get through customs, collect our bags, re-check them, get through security, and rush to our next flight. Doesn't sound promising, does it?

Our flight out of PE was fine. Enjoyable, even, because our in flight meal was excellent. After a 7 hour layover in Jo-burg, we began to board our flight to Atlanta. So far so good. But wait, what's all that commotion? Oh, wow, security is checking every bag and patting down every passenger before getting on the plane. I'm not that good with the names of different planes and such, but it was a big one. The kind that has lots of passengers. After everyone had finally been searched--it turns out the Jo-burg security team is practicing their technique for the upcoming World Cup--we made like birds and got the flock outta there.

The flight from Jo-burg to Atlanta is normally something like 17 hours. However, Delta re-routed us through San Juan, Puerto Rico, just for kicks and giggles which pushed back our arrival in Atlanta. You can see where this is going. Our stop in Puerto Rico lasted over 2 hours, and included broken bottles of alcohol, the air marshal forcefully telling a non-English speaker (in English) to return to his seat, and the dreaded, desperate intercom plea of "Is there a doctor on board?" All in all, a highly entertaining delay, except that we missed our next flight and ended up spending about 20 hours on the plane. Delta grudgingly put us up in a hotel for the night and gave us meal vouchers. Yay Qdoba. We arrived in Kona a day later than scheduled, jet-lagged, and sleep-deprived, but really, none worse for the wear.

And now, here I am, sitting in a hotel room in San Jose, California, on my way home. My main complaint is that my bag didn't get checked all
the way through, unbeknownst to me because of my layover, which means I have to re-check it tomorrow, and pay for it a second time. Under normal circumstances, this wouldn't be so bad, but when I was in South Africa my account got hacked, so I froze it and don't have any money to check my bag again. Those sneaky airlines; they shamelessly exploit poor, young travelers any way they can. That's all I really have to say. Sometimes, traveling just sucks.

But what is Top Ramen hotel style, you ask? Well, because I didn't have any money to buy dinner, one of my friends in Kona generously donated a pack of Top Ramen, chicken flavor. I cooked it using hot water from the coffee maker and two coffee mugs because it wouldn't fit in one. The real dilemma came when I realized I didn't have any cutlery with which to consume my feast for one. My options were: call the front desk and ask the condescending male receptionist to send me a fork, or use the coffee stirring straws as makeshift chopsticks. You can guess which one I opted for. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is Top Ramen, hotel style.

A first for me: experiencing the manifest presence of God

2009-12-01T18:49:00.000-08:00

I'm very late in writing this, mostly because I still can't wrap my head around what happened Tuesday night two weeks ago. I can honestly say until this point, I never experienced the manifest presence of the Holy Spirit. I've encountered God in radical ways that touch my heart deeply, but I've never seen a physical move of God.

I don't know what was different about that night. Maybe it was our speaker for the week, challenging us to see the entire world as God does. It could have had something to do the prayer and intercession we had participated in earlier in the day for the Kona community. But whatever it was, there was a sense of expectancy and excitement as we gathered to go on our weekly community outreach. Students from the Crossroads DTS--ranging in age from late twenties to mid-sixties--joined us. For no explainable reason, we were filled with joy as we worshiped the Lord and our excitement grew, not because we were expecting God to put on some kind of show, but because we were convinced of his love and returning it.

We went out in groups of four, praying, talking with people, sharing the gospel, and enjoying the presence of God together. Nothing "exciting" happened in my group, but that did nothing to dampen our spirits--for us, the success of the evening was determined by loving God, not seeing miracles. We gathered with the rest of our class to talk about the night and heard several reports of people encountering God, being healed, and committing to follow Jesus.

Our leader then told anyone in our group who needed healing to come forward to receive prayer. Oddly, the physical problems were divided into two distinct categories: ear aches and neck/shoulder pain. About five of us gathered around the two men who were experiencing neck and shoulder pain while the rest circled around those with ear pain. We started praying for Tim, a middle-aged man from the Crossroads DTS. We prayed for about thirty seconds to a minute when Liam, one of my classmates, asked him if the pain was better. Tim got a sort of bewildered look on his and started rotating his shoulder and neck and said "Yeah. I think it's better." "Better or gone?" Liam asked. "I think it's gone...Yep. It's gone," Tim responded. I later found out that Tim had suffered from severe chronic neck pain for six years due to lime disease. At night, it would get so severe that he would become incapacitated.

After a few moments of clapping, shouting "Whoa, that's rad, dude!" and other celebratory expressions, we started praying for Tom, another Crossroads student who was experiencing sharp, pulsating pains in his shoulder in addition to a constant ache that had grown over the last few days. We prayed for Tom and the pulsating pain went away almost instantly, but the dull ache remained. So we kept praying. While we were praying for Tom the second time, I felt like Jesus was asking me to give him Matthew 11:28-29--"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls"--only I couldn't remember the reference. I immediately got nervous about sharing the verses with him because I didn't want to screw them up. But I knew that God wanted me to share, so I did as well as I could without the reference. As soon as I finished sharing, Tim, who had just been healed, said "yeah, that was the verse I got for you, too," and another woman who was praying with us piped up with the reference.

Moral of the story? God loves us. He wants to speak to us, to heal us, to lavish his love on us. Let's be ready. Let's be excited! This is our God.

Over this glimpse of glory I could wonder for eternity

2009-11-09T20:26:00.000-08:00

I stand dumbfounded, with a gaping, idiotic smile on my face. I am blown away by what I have seen in my mind's eye, what my brain has had the tiniest glimpse of: GLORY. The Man who has fully captured my heart is now answering my plea to let me know him, to understand his character, to let see his beauty, to know what makes him beautiful. What I have seen has me transfixed; it's completely beyond my capacity to understand, yet I hunger for more. Who is this God? My soul is desperate to know.

Here is what I have seen: a God who, as a triune being, understands what it means to be in the closest form of intimacy, who is complete in that relationship, yet chooses to create human beings in order to allow some of that intimacy to spill over into the world. For his glory. So that his character can be revealed. So that we may know him, enjoy him, wonder at him, and most importantly, worship him.

Humanity fell, offering God an opportunity to show his grace. Through his grace, our relationship is restored. How do we worship, i.e. honor, him for his gift of grace? By pressing in closer to him, by intimacy of heart and mind. He is most glorified when we are most satisfied in him.

This triune being, this Man, is after our hearts so that we, in turn, can be after his. No other deity would even consider to stoop so low as to become a human being--no other deity loves people like that. No other deity is completely sovereign, yet gladly gives grace and mercy. No other deity makes itself knowable like this Man.

This Man--my God, my Lover, my Savior, my Friend, my Father--does.

I am baffled. Captivated, mind and heart. This is truly Good News.

This Is Our God

2009-10-30T20:29:00.001-07:00

A refuge the poor
A shelter from the storm
This is our God

He will wipe away your tears
And return your wasted years
This is our God

So call upon His name
He is mighty to save
This is our God

A father to the orphan
A healer to the broken
This is our God

He brings peace to our madness
And comfort in our sadness
This is our God

This is the One we have waited for
This is the One we have waited for
This is the One we have waited for
Jesus, Lord and Savior
This is our God

A fountain for the thirsty
A lover for the lonely
This is our God

He brings glory to the humble
And crowns for the faithful
This is our God

So call upon his name
He is mighty to save
This is our God

This is the One we have waited for
This is the One we have waited for
This is the One we have waited for
Jesus, Lord and Savior
This is our God

Called to Intimacy

2009-10-28T16:54:00.000-07:00

What is Christianity? At any point before this week my answer would be ‘loving Jesus and following him.’ Certainly it is a biblical concept—didn’t Jesus say, “If you love me you will obey my commandments”? From this verse we determine that Christianity is a lifestyle of obedience that proves our love for Jesus. Most of us would add that we do this out of gratitude for what he did on the cross, but it boils down to the same thing. We serve him because he served us.

So what is wrong with this picture? Well, first of all, it ignores the entire progression of the Bible—the story of a Creator longing to restore his children to himself, a Father who created us out of love. We cannot miss this: he loved us first. He initiates, we respond. It’s the story of a Bridegroom wooing his Bride, a God who is wildly in love with his people and will do whatever it takes to bring them back into the intimacy they were designed for. Why did Jesus go to the cross? For love. To restore a relationship, not so that we could become drudges plodding along, attempting to serve out of obligation. And just as a good husband does not stop pursing his wife after the wedding, God does not stop pursing us after we are saved. He’s after our hearts, not our empty actions.

The second problem is that it’s just another form of being saved by works. If Christianity is defined by our obedience out of gratitude, then in a sense we’re trying to pay God back for our salvation. It’s still about our actions. But if our salvation is a gift, given out of love to restore our relationship with the Father, then we can’t pay him back for it. We can’t earn something we’ve already received. We can’t justify ourselves even by our love.

So what does it mean to be a Christian? To be loved by God, and to respond with our hearts. It’s a restoration of relationship through the love-work on the cross. It’s a return to Eden, to the life of intimacy with the Father that we were designed for. It changes EVERYTHING. It restores us to our identity as sons and daughters of God, those he is passionately pursuing. And as he transforms our hearts and identities, he gives us his heart to see the poor and broken and lost restored as well. Everything we do to serve him comes out of his love for us, not ours for him. Our love is an impartation of his, not something we conjure up on our own strength.

You see, we so often take a verse like “If you love me you will obey my commandments” on its own, without realizing that the disciples were undoubtedly convinced of Jesus’ love for them having spent several years with him. We love him because he first loved us, and out of that love flows obedience and love for others. It is then that we discover the wonderful mystery: the second greatest commandment—to love our neighbor as ourselves—is fulfilled in the first—to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength.