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Sunday, February 27, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
Mirror, Mirror On The Wall
I would like to say that this is descriptive only of the churches and groups I've attended, but I am just as guilty. Ouch.
“The benchmark of success in churches has become more about attendance than the movement of the Holy Spirit. The 'entertainment' model of church was largely adopted in the 1980s and ’90s, and while it alleviated some of our boredom for a couple of hours a week, it filled our churches with self-focused consumers rather than self-sacrificing servants attuned to the Holy Spirit. Perhaps we’re too familiar and comfortable with the current state of the church to feel the weight of the problem…”
- Francis Chan, Forgotten God
“The benchmark of success in churches has become more about attendance than the movement of the Holy Spirit. The 'entertainment' model of church was largely adopted in the 1980s and ’90s, and while it alleviated some of our boredom for a couple of hours a week, it filled our churches with self-focused consumers rather than self-sacrificing servants attuned to the Holy Spirit. Perhaps we’re too familiar and comfortable with the current state of the church to feel the weight of the problem…”
- Francis Chan, Forgotten God
Lord, illuminate the places in my heart where I have sought community to consume rather than to sacrifice. I choose your way, the way of the Cross. Use me to establish your ekklesia.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
All Consuming Fire, You're My Heart's Desire.
I don't even know what to say about the last...month and some odd days since I've last blogged.
Quick tangent: I think "blog" is a ridiculous and disgusting verb, and when made into past tense it's even worse. It sounds like a vomiting sound effect. I use it out of pure necessity since there is really no accurate synonym.
Meaningless tangents aside, I cannot believe how much God has enlarged my heart in recent weeks. I am so grateful to him for giving me friends like Fe, Renee, Tehra, Sam, and my dear, dear sister to be real with me and speak truth and life into my feeble spirit. I love my Papa so.
About two weeks ago, my brother, Sam, and I drove to Kansas City, MO, to attend IHOP's yearly conference, Onething. It was...incredible. There are three highly significant things that I took away from the conference that I want to share.
1. Even after following Jesus for almost 10 years, I hardly know him. I have barely scratched the surface of who he is. I want to know him so much more deeply. I am grateful that I have eternity to discover the depths of who he is, but I want to know him better now. I am hungry for him. Not for my sake, but because I am utterly fascinated and in love with what little I've seen so far.
2. The Pearl of Great Price...the Treasure hidden in a field. The question is not what must I give up to lay hold of the Kingdom, but what may I give up? He is worth EVERYTHING. Nothing held back.
3. Luke 9:23: "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me." This is real. This doesn't just mean we are meant to put up with the difficult things in our lives. That's a pansy, feel-good, humanistic gospel that is really no gospel at all. We are on a death march, to a brutal execution. Death to self. Not coma to self, not a few bumps and bruises to self, but DEATH to self. Daily. Today, am I willing to give everything to him or up for him, even if that means my physical life? This is not something that makes sense to the world, or even most Christians. It is unsettling at the very least. Terrifying, more realistically. But, in light of what I know--that he is the Pearl of Great Price, that he is an all-consuming fire, that he IS love, that he is eternally fascinating, that I cannot be satisfied until I have more, more, more of him--I am convinced he is worth it. He is worth my life, my death, and anything else I can come up with.
Oh, how I love him. Weakly, but truly. And I can feel his heart. I feel it, I see it, I hear it, when I quiet my soul enough to look into his eyes of unquenchable fire, the Living Flame of Love.
And the last thing burning inside me? My sister, my amazing sister, is in Masi. This gives me so much joy. She knows my people! She is meeting Liam and Rachel and Lucas and Sbu and so many others with whom I experienced intense revelation of God's heart, not to mention the most amazing three months of my life. She is in MASI, the dearest place in the world to me. This makes me smile so much.
Quick tangent: I think "blog" is a ridiculous and disgusting verb, and when made into past tense it's even worse. It sounds like a vomiting sound effect. I use it out of pure necessity since there is really no accurate synonym.
Meaningless tangents aside, I cannot believe how much God has enlarged my heart in recent weeks. I am so grateful to him for giving me friends like Fe, Renee, Tehra, Sam, and my dear, dear sister to be real with me and speak truth and life into my feeble spirit. I love my Papa so.
About two weeks ago, my brother, Sam, and I drove to Kansas City, MO, to attend IHOP's yearly conference, Onething. It was...incredible. There are three highly significant things that I took away from the conference that I want to share.
1. Even after following Jesus for almost 10 years, I hardly know him. I have barely scratched the surface of who he is. I want to know him so much more deeply. I am grateful that I have eternity to discover the depths of who he is, but I want to know him better now. I am hungry for him. Not for my sake, but because I am utterly fascinated and in love with what little I've seen so far.
2. The Pearl of Great Price...the Treasure hidden in a field. The question is not what must I give up to lay hold of the Kingdom, but what may I give up? He is worth EVERYTHING. Nothing held back.
3. Luke 9:23: "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me." This is real. This doesn't just mean we are meant to put up with the difficult things in our lives. That's a pansy, feel-good, humanistic gospel that is really no gospel at all. We are on a death march, to a brutal execution. Death to self. Not coma to self, not a few bumps and bruises to self, but DEATH to self. Daily. Today, am I willing to give everything to him or up for him, even if that means my physical life? This is not something that makes sense to the world, or even most Christians. It is unsettling at the very least. Terrifying, more realistically. But, in light of what I know--that he is the Pearl of Great Price, that he is an all-consuming fire, that he IS love, that he is eternally fascinating, that I cannot be satisfied until I have more, more, more of him--I am convinced he is worth it. He is worth my life, my death, and anything else I can come up with.
Oh, how I love him. Weakly, but truly. And I can feel his heart. I feel it, I see it, I hear it, when I quiet my soul enough to look into his eyes of unquenchable fire, the Living Flame of Love.
And the last thing burning inside me? My sister, my amazing sister, is in Masi. This gives me so much joy. She knows my people! She is meeting Liam and Rachel and Lucas and Sbu and so many others with whom I experienced intense revelation of God's heart, not to mention the most amazing three months of my life. She is in MASI, the dearest place in the world to me. This makes me smile so much.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Life Updates
For some reason I have the chorus of a cheesy, poorly written country song stuck in my head as I begin this post: "I love this crazy, tragic, sometimes almost magic, awful beautiful life." Truth exists, even in country music.
Lots of things have changed with me since the beginning of the semester. It always catches me by surprise how life almost never works out the way you planned or expected it to, but yet, in the end, I'm usually grateful.
Change #1: I'm getting involved in things. WEIRD. I did not participate in a single club or sport or extracurricular in high school, yet I am currently in two honors societies, and the UM model UN club, and I'm planning on applying for leadership and maybe traveling team for MUN as well. This has no particular significance that I can see; it's just new.
Change #2: Fire and Fragrance. The book, not the DTS. I can't fully explain what it's doing to me, but it's big. More on this later.
Change #3: I'm moving off campus at semester. This decision has been a long time coming, and has been confirmed in my heart a number of ways. The idea is that my room (in a house with 4 other amazing girls) will be a prayer room, a place of intercession and resting in the presence of the living God. The cry of my heart is to sit at his feet, to be with him where he is, to simply BE with him. (Snarky comment for all my YWAM buds: I CANNOT believe how much I'm starting to sound like Steven Conant, and more than that, that I am OKAY with it!!!)
So...I am choosing to take this opportunity to commit myself to living a lifestyle of authentic community and prayer, seeking Jesus with everything in me.
Other exciting news: I'm headed to Kona for Thanksgiving! I can hardly wait. WATER TO MY THIRSTY SOUL.
Lots of things have changed with me since the beginning of the semester. It always catches me by surprise how life almost never works out the way you planned or expected it to, but yet, in the end, I'm usually grateful.
Change #1: I'm getting involved in things. WEIRD. I did not participate in a single club or sport or extracurricular in high school, yet I am currently in two honors societies, and the UM model UN club, and I'm planning on applying for leadership and maybe traveling team for MUN as well. This has no particular significance that I can see; it's just new.
Change #2: Fire and Fragrance. The book, not the DTS. I can't fully explain what it's doing to me, but it's big. More on this later.
Change #3: I'm moving off campus at semester. This decision has been a long time coming, and has been confirmed in my heart a number of ways. The idea is that my room (in a house with 4 other amazing girls) will be a prayer room, a place of intercession and resting in the presence of the living God. The cry of my heart is to sit at his feet, to be with him where he is, to simply BE with him. (Snarky comment for all my YWAM buds: I CANNOT believe how much I'm starting to sound like Steven Conant, and more than that, that I am OKAY with it!!!)
So...I am choosing to take this opportunity to commit myself to living a lifestyle of authentic community and prayer, seeking Jesus with everything in me.
Other exciting news: I'm headed to Kona for Thanksgiving! I can hardly wait. WATER TO MY THIRSTY SOUL.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Simplicity.
I have been asking God the why-am-I-here question for quite some time. I get frustrated because I feel like nothing is happening, like my presence in Missoula isn't making one shred of difference in anyone's life. I am lonely, because even though I am constantly surrounded by people, I have no one to share my heart with; Renee, Erica, Tehra, Rachel, Cams, Sam...I miss you all more than I can say. For those of you who read my posts, you are probably getting tired of me saying this, but I miss Kona and South Africa a lot. Here, I feel utterly useless and alone.
I was in church today, semi-paying attention to the sermon slash doodling on my bulletin, when I felt Jesus ask me "Why are you here?"
"I don't know, Jesus. You tell me."
"You are here to fall more in love with me."
Of course! It's so simple. Here I am, running around like a chicken with its head cut off, frustrated beyond belief because nothing is working out like I want in terms of ministry, community, etc., as though he wants something else from me besides my heart. He doesn't need my efforts or my contribution to community or my strategies; he can handle all of that on his own. He didn't die for me so I could work for him forever. He is love; he died to restore me to himself. He wants my heart, and he wants me to know his.
The call to intimacy with God is the highest call placed on the human heart. Not making disciples, not performing signs and wonders (it's he who does all those things anyway, not us). He longs for us to sit at his feet and ask him who he is and what his love is like. He wants to be known by us.
This is why I'm here: because for some yet to be revealed reason, Missoula, Montana is the best place for me to fall more in love with Jesus Christ. And that is everything.
INTIMACY unto fruitfulness.
I was in church today, semi-paying attention to the sermon slash doodling on my bulletin, when I felt Jesus ask me "Why are you here?"
"I don't know, Jesus. You tell me."
"You are here to fall more in love with me."
Of course! It's so simple. Here I am, running around like a chicken with its head cut off, frustrated beyond belief because nothing is working out like I want in terms of ministry, community, etc., as though he wants something else from me besides my heart. He doesn't need my efforts or my contribution to community or my strategies; he can handle all of that on his own. He didn't die for me so I could work for him forever. He is love; he died to restore me to himself. He wants my heart, and he wants me to know his.
The call to intimacy with God is the highest call placed on the human heart. Not making disciples, not performing signs and wonders (it's he who does all those things anyway, not us). He longs for us to sit at his feet and ask him who he is and what his love is like. He wants to be known by us.
This is why I'm here: because for some yet to be revealed reason, Missoula, Montana is the best place for me to fall more in love with Jesus Christ. And that is everything.
INTIMACY unto fruitfulness.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
A Prayer of Barrenness
By Dana Candler
My heart aches. I love Him, yes, but faintly.
I desire Him, yes, but weakly.
I want Him, true, but waveringly.
Even the pain that lies within
I recognize to be such faint pain,
A mere discomfort next to the heartwrenching anguish
That grips true lovers.
My knowledge is nothing. My wisdom, infancy.
I see nothing as it truly is.
Eternity is light. This life on earth what is dark.
Stories remain stories. Not sinking deep within my soul.
And scarring me with Divine invasion
Your cross is a picture, Your heaven a fantasy.
Tears are sweet emotions, moved by Your sacrifice.
But not the tears of sharing in Your sufferings.
I say Your name so sweetly but do not know its Face.
All I am is far. So distant, so removed.
But You beckon me come.
Yet, my Lord, I am nothing. I have nothing. I know nothing.
When I thought I had something,
It dissolved before Your beauty,
And I was left naked. Possessing nothing.
Poor for words. Empty of all. Needy and alonde.
Even so, my Love, call me.
Yes, do not leave me here but beckon me come.
Though I have nothing, though I am only poor,
I cast myself on your unfailing love
Where else would I go?
Whom have I but You?
My heart aches. I love Him, yes, but faintly.
I desire Him, yes, but weakly.
I want Him, true, but waveringly.
Even the pain that lies within
I recognize to be such faint pain,
A mere discomfort next to the heartwrenching anguish
That grips true lovers.
My knowledge is nothing. My wisdom, infancy.
I see nothing as it truly is.
Eternity is light. This life on earth what is dark.
Stories remain stories. Not sinking deep within my soul.
And scarring me with Divine invasion
Your cross is a picture, Your heaven a fantasy.
Tears are sweet emotions, moved by Your sacrifice.
But not the tears of sharing in Your sufferings.
I say Your name so sweetly but do not know its Face.
All I am is far. So distant, so removed.
But You beckon me come.
Yet, my Lord, I am nothing. I have nothing. I know nothing.
When I thought I had something,
It dissolved before Your beauty,
And I was left naked. Possessing nothing.
Poor for words. Empty of all. Needy and alonde.
Even so, my Love, call me.
Yes, do not leave me here but beckon me come.
Though I have nothing, though I am only poor,
I cast myself on your unfailing love
Where else would I go?
Whom have I but You?
Monday, October 18, 2010
Spiritual Terrorism
I can't tell you how many times that I've heard my brothers and sisters try to coerce non-Christians into some sort of conversion by saying "If you died tonight, do you know where you would go?" This makes me really bothers me for a number of reasons.
First, God is RELATIONAL. He wants our hearts because he loves us. He doesn't want us say the prayer because we're afraid of burning in a lake of fire forever. Granted, there have been legitimate conversions, like that of John Newton (composer of Amazing Grace and former captain of a slave ship), where people were deeply convicted of their sin and knew that they belonged in hell. But in those cases, conversion was motivated by repentance and a realized need for the grace that God freely gives, not fear.
Second, the whole reason heaven is good is because JESUS IS THERE. I could care less about a place with golden streets and harps and crap like that, but I cannot wait to be with Jesus, the most incredible person I've ever known, forever. Consequently, the reason hell is bad is because Jesus is not there. Hell is the complete absence of God's presence, which is the reason for everything good. That's why we don't want to go there: because God isn't there, not just because of the lake of fire. Once again, it all comes down to relationship--being with Jesus or without him for eternity.
Third, it is spiritual terrorism. In political science, when one group of people threatens to kill another group if they don't comply with the first group's demands, we call it a coercive or terrorist threat. That is essentially what we're doing if we use the if-you-died-tonight tactic. We're telling people that if they don't do what we tell them to, they'll go to hell.
While the Bible is clear that people will go to hell if they reject God, scare tactics are stupid. Motivation by fear doesn't last, but motivation by love lasts forever. "God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world, we are like Jesus. There is NO FEAR IN LOVE. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he loved us first." (1 John 4:16b-19).
While scare tactics may seem effective in converting people, we are not called to manufacture converts. We are called to make disciples, people who will devote their lives to knowing God as he can be known on this side of eternity. If all you're trying to do is pass out fire insurance salvation, then sure, scare as many people as you want. But if we're trying to raise an army of lovers who will lay down their lives for Jesus, lets ditch the short-term efforts and devote ourselves to love, because love is the only thing we can do in this life that lasts.
First, God is RELATIONAL. He wants our hearts because he loves us. He doesn't want us say the prayer because we're afraid of burning in a lake of fire forever. Granted, there have been legitimate conversions, like that of John Newton (composer of Amazing Grace and former captain of a slave ship), where people were deeply convicted of their sin and knew that they belonged in hell. But in those cases, conversion was motivated by repentance and a realized need for the grace that God freely gives, not fear.
Second, the whole reason heaven is good is because JESUS IS THERE. I could care less about a place with golden streets and harps and crap like that, but I cannot wait to be with Jesus, the most incredible person I've ever known, forever. Consequently, the reason hell is bad is because Jesus is not there. Hell is the complete absence of God's presence, which is the reason for everything good. That's why we don't want to go there: because God isn't there, not just because of the lake of fire. Once again, it all comes down to relationship--being with Jesus or without him for eternity.
Third, it is spiritual terrorism. In political science, when one group of people threatens to kill another group if they don't comply with the first group's demands, we call it a coercive or terrorist threat. That is essentially what we're doing if we use the if-you-died-tonight tactic. We're telling people that if they don't do what we tell them to, they'll go to hell.
While the Bible is clear that people will go to hell if they reject God, scare tactics are stupid. Motivation by fear doesn't last, but motivation by love lasts forever. "God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world, we are like Jesus. There is NO FEAR IN LOVE. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he loved us first." (1 John 4:16b-19).
While scare tactics may seem effective in converting people, we are not called to manufacture converts. We are called to make disciples, people who will devote their lives to knowing God as he can be known on this side of eternity. If all you're trying to do is pass out fire insurance salvation, then sure, scare as many people as you want. But if we're trying to raise an army of lovers who will lay down their lives for Jesus, lets ditch the short-term efforts and devote ourselves to love, because love is the only thing we can do in this life that lasts.
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